Happy Sunday Everyone-
I’ve been in the mortgage business 23 years. Before that I was in software because it was the cool thing to do, even though I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the product side, but I worked with some really smart people. One of those people was my CFO of my last start up. He’s a private guy so won’t mention in his name but he’s one of the smartest & successful people I’ve come across. CFO was his formal title, but I’d call him Chief of Wise Council. In my opinion, he knew more than everyone else in the room. He asked the questions that caused everyone else to think. Could be sales related, contract, finance, ops, engineering, or life. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk about it, but he had a way of asking enough questions where you became smarter in the process, much smarter. He wasn’t easy but he was fair.
After I closed a deal, I had worked on for 2 years, it was my ticket out of software and into mortgage. He wanted to be my first client; he wanted to support me. Why am I telling you this? 23 years later, we’re still in contact. He’s on these Sunday Thoughts, and he replied to last week’s Sunday Thoughts on the TSA Guys; https://www.sundaythoughts.com/the-tsa-guy/ but focused more on the TSA Gal with the bad attitude. When I read his response, it honestly took me back to when I was 27 and him asking me questions I needed to consider.
His response is below. Side note, he’s British. I’m not sure if they all write with no capitalization but it’s how he’s always written and I’m not changing it.
“hi hunter….
i get it that it’s a constant daily practice to be aware of what energy we’re expressing. generally it’s for our own benefit too as expressing positive compassionate energy will result in attracting such and having it reflected back to us.
i wonder if the missing piece in your story is when the first scenario was taken as a negative situation as it didn’t make you feel good. feeling that may be a reflection of something that needs work but more importantly i think it’s super important to look at expressing compassion for the yeller, wondering what has caused them to be this way, feeling sorry for them, being thankful for them and finding some little thing to do for them that might just help make them feel better. it’s really hard and challenging but so much more rewarding if indeed you helped than the 2nd scenario where it was purely someone else doing something for you. that 2nd scenario was a gift and i am sure you helped but anyway i hope you get what i am trying to say!!
there are perceived bad and good people but really we’re all the same, come from the same place and end up in the same place. so best to be compassionate to all regardless of their behavior as maybe in a not so good situation it’s a lesson waiting to be learned as to how to help and express compassion for those that really need it and in doing so you’re really helping yourself!!
helpful or complete garbage?? ;-)”
So, my take aways from his response:
- Yes, his response is incredibly helpful and caused me to think (always a good thing). In hindsight I consider the concept I love so much of being proactive vs. reactive, and how much it applies to so many areas in our lives. In both scenarios of the gal and the guy, I was being reactive, for better or for worse, allowing others to affect me. The real richness would be to proactively be a positive influence with the gal.
- Last week’s Sunday Thoughts got a lot of feedback, mostly positive, but someone else asked me to consider the government shutdown and the fact these people were working for free. Kim’s Grandma was a Chippewa Indian. Her favorite quote was “don’t judge your neighbor until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins”. This applies here for me.
- My CFO uses the word “compassion”-definition is “showing sympathetic pity for the suffering or misfortune of others”. Another word I’ve written about before, because I need more of it, is “empathy”-definition “the ability to understand and share the feeling of another”. If we marry empathy and compassion, we’re trending in the right direction for sure!
- Off topic-the right relationships are meant to be maintained. Some relationships need to end but don’t let the right relationships fall off when they don’t need to. I’ve seen my CFO 5 times in 23 years, yet I feel as close to him as I did when he would quiz me in his office.
My task today is to be on the lookout for goodness and lift up someone I perceive as having a bad day! Would be a good task for all of us.